Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
