Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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