dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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