my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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