Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
