i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
