I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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