Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
