A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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