I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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