bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize