please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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