we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize