On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
