Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
