Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
