I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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