that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
