Me. At least after what I've been through.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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