I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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