Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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