Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
