The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Everclear isn't food dammit
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
