they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
