My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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