I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
