i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
