we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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