I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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