Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize