hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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