No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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