Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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