God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
