Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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