I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
