why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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