11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i think i just lost a toe
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
