Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
