..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
