Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
