Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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