Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
