My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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