Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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