I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
