Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
