I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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