I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
