The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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