Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
