You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
