i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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