We're like a lot better than the average bears
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
