So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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