by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
