I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
