It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
