she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
