PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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