thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
