I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
