If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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