All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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