no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
