put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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