so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
