Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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